Saturday, December 29, 2007

Another year wiser ( I hope!!! )

Well It's been another year already... :)
Seems like just a while ago my friends were throwing me my "surprise" 20th birthday party...
For my 21st looks like they finally mastered the art of "surprises".

This year has been one hell of a roller coaster ride... More extreme than ever before.
Wait a minute!! I've said the same thing every year for the past few years now.
But looks like it just gets wilder as i get older.
I've felt the saddest and the happiest... loneliest and crowded.. done some pretty wild things but been bored to death other times.. been the most heart broken and closest to being in love... felt totally unwanted and totally needed and loved.

Whether this means life's just going to get crazier or maybe its just a phase of growing into adulthood only time will tell. In all probability life's just going to be more routine and monotonous once I start working and there just wont be time or energy to feel or do anything very extreme.

All that I plan to take away from this year of my existence is all the joy and the extreme happiness its brought me... The pain and the guilt stand forgiven and forgotten.. At least this year ended on a happy note with me feeling like the queen of the universe.!
Hopefully when I'm stuck in some kind of "routine" life (I sure as hell hope I always have time for fun!!) I'll think back on this year and especially the people who made it so colorful, I'll smile and feel warm inside again..

Thursday, November 8, 2007

From this moment on...

(Dedicated to a certain hajmola chocolate bunny smiley ;) )

Time is the master of our lives... It controls us, weighs our every move and action. Meanwhile we human beings are continually pursuing happiness mostly unaware of the time ticking away..
What am I trying to say..? Just this.. All of us want to be happy... But is living in the past or waiting for a better tomorrow really the answer..? Nope..

The truth is happiness is something you have to work for.. Really hard sometimes... And its just the present that counts... Right here right now.. Just do whatever it takes to make yourself and the people you care about smile. Probably you had a really great time sometime in the past and nothing you do now compares. Or maybe you have something big coming up in the future and you just wish you could get today over with. But all you really have is right now.

Its true you should always have a goal in life.. See the big picture. But remember if you want to change that picture you can paint over right away. Just be grateful you were given the time to do so. There is really no point in living dissatisfied wasting those precious moments you could have been happy.

The clocks ticking away. If there is something new you wanted to try or if you wanted to tell someone how much you care, go right ahead and do it. Thinking twice about doing a good thing is just again... a waste of time..

Why do I keep stressing on time..? ITS ALL WE'VE GOT
Yesterday is but a memory. Tomorrow is a speculation. Today is a promise. Live for the moment :)

Sometimes it seems things go by too quickly. We are so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take the time to enjoy where we are. -Calvin (Calvin n Hobbes)

If good things lasted forever, would we appreciate how precious they are? -Calvin (Calvin n Hobbes)

Expect nothing, you'll be rewarded more than you think you deserve. -Hsieh Tse Zhong

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Rainbow googled!!!!!!!

Today we live in a world where there aren't many mysteries. We have the answer to almost any question. Any vague doubt on any topic under the sun and you needn't look too far for the solution. Consider a child seeing a rainbow for the first time. Does he feel happy for witnessing this marvelous unknown (to him) phenomenon? Nope he just runs it through Wiki and there's the answer!! There you go just a simple matter of physics nothing to feel exhilerated about. While this may be a good thing for most matters it gets me wondering whether its really good for our thinking abilities.

One example of this which originally got me thinking was the latest harry potter book. Which I personally loved. But when I went to a conference page of a fan web site I was shocked by what I saw there. Hundreds of people were not satisfied with it. Why? because apparently the author leaves too many questions unanswered. I scanned the questions and looked up the pages in the book. None of the questions needed answering...!! They were those questions where even in our own non magical world remain unsolved mysteries. Things like "How exactly is love the greatest weapon..?" or even dumber "Whats behind the door in the department of mysteries..?". Now I'd really like to tell the person who came up with the latter question ... Its the department of MYSTERIES for Pete's sake why cant people let it remain a mystery. So it went, question after question which people of an earlier generation or thinkers of our age would've found as interesting debatable or thought provoking questions which here seemed to anger the fans to no end!

Have we become a generation of spoilt people who need to have everything at our fingertips..? Have we turned into creatures who cant think, cant imagine and just need to be told ALL the answers right away..? Is this one of the reasons that kids these days prefer a movie to a book.. Where is that sense of wonder that we have lost..?

I'm not talking just about the books. Look around you. When I was a 6 year old I used to believe in Santa Claus and the tooth fairy and so on. Go ask a 6 year old today if she believes in Santa she'll probably laugh and say "Oh come on get real!!". Why is it that in today's gadget and technology driven world we have lost the simple joys of childhood? Even adults don't have faith in anything anymore. Do we consider ourselves so knowledgeable that we refuse to open our minds to the possibility that there might be a greater power watching over us..? People want proof for everything. If the questions remain unanswered or there's no definite proof they simply rubbish the idea.

Overall it seems to me that most people today are devoid of imagination, narrow minded to life's little mysteries and tempers generally run short if something is left unanswered. Rainbows are no longer looked at with with a smile but rather with a thought of "Oh I know how that happens . No big deal". We are slowly losing quality that differentiates us from supercomputers on one hand or animals on the other. That quality which makes us uniquely human - the joy of silently appreciating the unknown.

Saturday, August 18, 2007


Another desperate attempt at song/poetry writing :)

The night grows dark

while my heart grows cold
alone I walk
blindly through the snow

A shimmer I see
a dull shaft of light
cuts through the gloom
a ray of pure moon light

Cant take my eyes off it
that glimmer of hope
slowly it grows stronger
and many lands I see yonder

Brighter it glows
the face of the ripe full moon
illuminating the vastness
and the dark recesses of my mind

A warmth grows in me
melting the ice on my bones
a rush of happiness I feel
a joy surreal in my soul

Soon the moon will set
and nights are yet to come
when the moon will wax
and fade away into the darkness

That brightness I'll never forget
in my mind its image will rest
to get me through stormy nights
my precious and pure silver moon light

Thursday, August 9, 2007


Hmmmm..... Yup you guessed it! This is just another one of my depressing musings. So how do I start..? Well have you ever thought about what your purpose in life may be? The reason why you landed on the planet screaming and crying? Ah lucky are those who think about this and actually have an answer.

They say that life is a giant game of chess. Where you are just a pawn moved around by the unseen hands of fate. Never knowing where you'll be moved next or whether you'll be cast away and discarded once you've served your purpose. All's fine when you know you are serving your purpose but why do I feel like I've already been discarded? I mean I'm still in the game being moved around mercilessly but just along with the flow of this game. A forgotten pawn on the edge of the board. Or maybe I'm on the wrong chessboard all together. Because my 'moves' don't really seem to matter or affect the overall picture.

Obviously some would argue that its not all up to fate and that the choices you make play a very important role in the way your life turns out. Well I choose to be good and nice to all I meet, try to go out of my way to help out a friend in need, etc. Now the logical conclusion should be that I have a great life with lots of love to go around. Think again. I'm on the completely wrong chessboard. Here the people I care most about do nothing but hurt me for no apparent reason. Or pretend to care just out of guilt. So no matter what i do or don't do no body's really going to notice or make an effort to work things out.

So should I give up caring altogether? As easy as it sounds that's the hardest thing for me to do. Hence here I am moving with the game giving, caring, loving hoping against all odds that one day I'll make a move that'll win this monstrous game. Before I'm checkmated and discarded.

Friday, July 6, 2007

The train......

This is about something that happens to all of us. Almost all the time. Its that state of conscious unconsciousness that we drift away into. Yes I'm talking about the train. The train of thought.

Well let me tell you how it started. I was on an overnight train. From Chennai to Bangalore. At 10 p.m we switched off the lights and everyone was supposed to go to sleep. I had another one of my insomnia attacks so there I was on the top berth staring at the roof of the train. And then I got on a slightly different train. I'm not just saying I started thinking. What I'm trying to say is that it was more like a trance. And no I dint sleep off and dream it all.

It started with me reading a text message my friend sent me wishing me a safe journey. I thought about her and the recent breakup she'd been through. Then I thought about the last conversation I'd had with her. Now I don't remember what exactly that conversation was about but it had something to do with food which led me to think about a certain friend of mine who loves train food. Which led me to think about a really nice day I'd had with that friend. Which in turn led me to think about how nervous I was that day. Which went into how nervous I was at that moment about my upcoming exams for which I had not studied at all. This thought turned into another friend who had just finished her exams. She is my friend from school so probably that brought back memories of school...

And so it went on and on like that. Thought after thought with no apparent connection. But all it needed was just one tiny link for me to unconsciously jump into the next thought. And these were not just passing thoughts. Each of them was a distinct memory I didn't even know I remembered. As distinct as practically reliving them. Then suddenly my phone beeped again and brought me back to consciousness . I was shocked when I saw what time it was. I'd spent nearly three and a half hours on the train of thought.

That was when I started seeing a pattern in my way of thinking. There was one particular thought that kept coming back. Once probably every 4 or 5 thoughts. This was something I've been trying consciously not to think about. But there it was popping up every now and then. So somewhere along the line I decided to focus on it and get it over with. And once I did that I was amazed with how I handled it maturely. It suddenly gave me a new sense of direction and showed me exactly I was looking for in life. Sounds a little deep but it is true. I realized how much I'd learned about myself just by being brave enough to revisit that moment. I've always been a bit of a lost soul but not anymore! Now I knew exactly what I wanted and where I wanted to be even though I still dint see any way of getting there.

To cut a long thinking process short what I'm hopelessly trying to convey is that if you feel you need answers, if your feeling lost and confused, just make a little time for yourself. Get on that train of thought and let go. Then think about any recurring thought and focus on it. No matter how much you'd rather avoid it just face yourself and get it over with. You may find the answers your looking for. Trust me in my case these answers weren't even related to what I was thinking of. If you still haven't found your answers you are now at least left with a lighter mind.

THINK about it :)

Sunday, April 22, 2007


Here's some of my research on a topic I found quite interesting..

Murphy's law is a popular adage in western culture that broadly states that things will go wrong in any given situation, if you give them a chance. "If there's more than one possible outcome of a job or task, and one of those outcomes will result in disaster or an undesirable consequence, then somebody will do it that way." It is most often cited as "Whatever can go wrong will go wrong, and at the worst possible time,"

And now the humorous take on Murphy's law...!! (Applies a lot to my life you see...)


THE PRIME AXIOM: In any field of scientific endeavor, anything that
can go wrong, will.

2. If the possibility exists of several things going wrong, the one that
will go wrong is the one that will do the most damage.
3. Everything will go wrong at one time.
3.1 That time is always when you least expect it.
4. If nothing can go wrong, something will.
5. Nothing is as easy as it looks.
6. Everything takes longer than you think.
7. Left to themselves, things always go from bad to worse.
8. Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
9. Given the most inappropriate time for something to go wrong, that's
when it will occur.
10. Mother Nature is a bitch.
10.1 The universe is not indifferent to intelligence, it is actively
hostile to it.
11. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
12. If in any problem you find yourself doing an immense amount of work,
the answer can be obtained by simple inspection.
13. Never make anything simple and efficient when a way can be found
make it complex and wonderful.
14. If it doesn't fit, use a bigger hammer.
15. In an instrument or device characterized by a number of plus-or-minus
errors, the total error will be the sum of all the errors adding in
the same direction.
16. In any given calculation, the fault will never be placed if more than
one person is involved.
16.1 In any given discovery, the credit will never be properly placed
if more than one person is involved.
17. All warranty and guarantee clauses become invalid upon payment of
final invoice.

You may think I'm a pessimist. But I really am an optimist with a LOT
of experience :)
Response to comments : I believe Lord Murphy has chosen ones. These people
receive his attention a lot more than the 'lucky' ones. Im one of them and Im really proud of the fact that Lord Murphy devotes so much time and attention to me!!

Sunday, April 15, 2007


Remarkable display of my non existent song writing skills

Iv lost all sense of direction
Spinning out of control with no destination
For a moment I thought I was heading east
Wrong again that was just the sky beneath my feet

All I hear is the screaming of the voices in my head
All I smell is the silence of my fear
All I see is what could have been
All I feel is insecurity

Desperately hanging on to illusions of support
Then like a stab in the back
It strikes me again
That sense of fading hope

I'm sure this storm will move on
Stop as suddenly as it started
No doubt I will come out of this alive
Cause if there's one thing I know it's how to survive

Suddenly I feel this eerie sense of calm
But thats only cause I'm in the eye of the storm
No I'm not stuck in a tornado
The tornado is stuck in me

Monday, April 9, 2007


Most of us go though life never expecting things to happen...And suddenly one day u encounter someone or something that rudely awakens you from this stupor...and reminds you of what you once wanted or gives you a vision of what you can have..?

Suddenly the thing you wanted is within your reach and you feel like your days of bad luck is over..
You are on cloud nine knowing fully well that there is still time before you actually get to where you want to be... Premature elation you might call it but that doubt is still there at the back of your head.. 'what if i loose this like the ones I've lost before..?' Slowly and steadily you sink into the comfort of a new found happiness...

And then one day when you least expect it... You realize you've lost it...Wait it was never yours to loose was it..? But still.. You were ALMOST there.. Almost belived that you were'nt so unlucky after all... Then you analyze..What went wrong..? And then its time to face the truth it was'nt really anybody's fault...Just a matter of bad luck and bad timing.. Maybe there's still hope left..And you want to hold on to that hope with all the strength you have...But life has taught you better... that holding on to illusions is NOT good for you...

How many ALMOSTS is it going to take..? Before you get bold enough to look the truth in the eye..the truth that reads 'Im jinxed accept it'

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Decoding the language of MANkind

Disclaimer: This material is written to be of assistance for WOMENkind so all guys reading this I mean no offence...just being plain honest... And this material has been compiled using information from many experienced women so its not just my opinion.

Are u a frustrated girl trying to understand what exactly a guy is trying to communicate to you..? Is this process driving u nuts and make u want to pull your hair out...?
Well your not alone!!! hundreds of poor girls like you and me are trying in vain to do just that..!
What we have to understand is that the male brain just was'nt designed for efficient communication.

Here are some preliminary points that'll help you get started:-

When he says:-

1. "lets see.." he means "not happening!!"

2. "I'll give it my best shot" he means "I'm telling you very nicely that i cant"

3. "Why are you so worried bout later lets live for the moment" he means " I have severe acute commitment phobia"

4. "I dont ever want to loose you as a friend" he means "you are too ugly to be my girlfriend but i want you to stick around in case I run out of options"

5."Now why are you making a huge issue out of this" he means "You just touched upon a topic I dont want to discuss.."

6."Please dont complicate things" he means same as above

7. "Promise me whatever happens we'l always stay friends" he means "In all probability Im going to cheat on you so dont hate me then"

8. " we make such an awesome team but......." he means " we're breaking up honey!!"

9. "Why are you talking in riddles..?" he means " Im way too lazy to make an attempt to understand what your saying"

10."Women are complicated!!!" he means "Damn these girls.. they hit the nail on the head and I have to say this to keep up my pride"